I am eternally fascinated by the number of ways we sabotage our financial lives by saying we want or believe in one thing while behaving in a way that is completely opposite to that. Not deliberately, we just fail to see the in-congruency. And then wonder how we messed up in areas that seemed so straight forward.
During a conversation with a contact of mine, who I will call Dave; he mentioned that he was struggling to in his relationship with his business partner. who I will call Greg.
Greg had accused him of being difficult and finding fault with him over minor matters. After chatting to Dave it began to emerge that he felt that Greg was not honest about their relationship. Greg described him as not only a business partner but dear friend, however apart from business matters Greg made little effort to engage with Dave. Dave made Greg godfather to his son and best man at his wedding while Greg had an active social life outside of work that rarely included Dave.
Dave was embarrassed to admit that he was hurt by this and unwittingly Greg’s behaviour had ignited a sense of mistrust in Dave which had been slowly building up into resentment. “How can he call me friend, when I clearly am not?”
One of my favourites, is the “I am doing this for my family” Well what’s wrong with that? you ask. Nothing, it is one of, if not the best reason I can think of for doing anything if you have children. However what if this same person has no will, no life cover, very little savings of their own let alone anything saved for the children, and very common – no pension.
Commonly the reason is not enough funds to live and do all those things, which is perfectly understandable. But dig deeper, when money has been a little easier did they engage the services of a financial advisor, or open a little saving account for little Beth? No they bought a car, because they always wanted a BMW and they have “earned it” If they pop their clogs tomorrow, would little Beth be able to live in the BMW, I think not.
Picture them arguing with their insurance company about an increase in premiums for home contents or business interruption that could prevent them losing all they have worked for or even how they make their living. But happily pay through the nose for the BMW insurance. If the BMW goes missing, painful. If the home or business is burgled or destroyed by fire, devastating!
Despite preaching how important it is to look after the family, the irony is the decisions made do little to make this a reality.
In business, how common it is to prescribe to the dream of building a big successful business. Tut Tut at the irresponsibility of people who do not dot the I’s and cross the T’s; while ignoring the fact that the VAT or Payroll taxes have not been paid for months. Having no money is a very real reason for this but what if they had the money but had to make a choice where to use it.
All too often that choice is not in favour of the tax man.
Apart from wages and rent, pretty much everything else should be lower down the pecking order. Granted, needed staff could walk out, your trade may be severely restricted if you are evicted from your premises, but the tax man uses a very persuasive removal firm called bailiffs. And if that does not satisfy outstanding debts they wind up your company. Was buying that stock because it was a great deal instead worth it?
How we prioritise is what gives us away, but we are all too often the last to see the discrepancy.
Money and figures tell a story.
Over years of building relationships with business owners I have uncovered depression (very common), alcoholism, huge personal debt caused by a strong sense of entitlement because of unresolved neglect issues, to name a few.
I am no trained counselor and my remit is strictly professional, but when people confide in me it is difficult to separate the business issues from the person. All too often the theme seems to be people living lives that are in conflict with who they are and what they really want, frequently to please others or live up to expectations.
Or worse because they have created a life that does not support them, personally and or financially and are at a loss how to change it.
I have a process I call I.C.R.A which I have used for years to get me out of a rut and help keep it that way.
Identify – Where am I now
Clarify – Why is this the case and what needs to change
Rectify – How am I going to fix it
Ask – Find the best people to help you
Nothing new, just my way of remembering, steal it with my blessings.
Have a great day!!
