Spice Girl Mel B takes out restraining order against estranged husband Stephen Belafonte after accusing him of abuse, screams Daily Telegraph headline.
I know to many she may look as though she could break you in half with a sentence, and this news will be a great surprise. But these situations are more prevalent than we think.
Only Mel and her ex know the real truth, but assuming there is truth to her allegations, what is the chink in a woman’s armour that leaves her vulnerable to a man who is effectively punching above his weight?
Pardon the pun, it was not intentional.
And to clarify, I am not specifically referring to domestic abuse. But the more subtle type, manipulation.
Many years ago I was with a friend, driving to a social event. I forget the conversation, but what I do remember was one sentence she said.
“When it comes to business and work, you take no prisoners, but in your private life, sorry to say hun, you are such a fool”
It is not what she said that hurt, but that it was true.
She was saying out loud, what I said to myself on a daily basis.
Even then, the person I was with had to mess up on a grand scale, and not just once either. I finally saw the light and realised I was being emotionally abused. And for what, by somebody who could offer me nothing more than I could do or get for myself.
Mel is not the alone. Mary J Blige reports how she lost her self-esteem and sense of identity in her marriage. Seriously!! After her track “No More Drama”
Who could forget the photos of Rihanna after Chris Brown’s fists took on a life of their own.
Pamela Anderson, Roseanne Barr, Shakira, Halle Berry, Charlize Theron. Even the formidable Hillary Clinton took crap. A woman who was almost the leader of the western world!! Though I confess I might forgive Bill Clinton anything myself. Lol.
These women are different to the Ike and Tina Turner type scenario. Ike was a Svengali figure to Tina. She was young and inexperienced, and Ike opened the door to her success. From the get go she already looked up to him.
The ladies above, had carved out careers and found success in their right. On their own terms. But were helpless behind closed doors.
My heroines; the good news is that with intelligent, achieving women, this is not the end of the story.
Charlize came through, Mel will come through it, Mary will come through it. I came through it.
Of course we can look at the psyche and emotional makeup, and how to develop that side so you are less vulnerable. But even before that, you can get practical.
Be financially independent.
Mary J and Mel B may be crying right now, but they are not worried about the gas bill or whether they are going to have to take the little one out of school because they may have to move.
You do not have to be a celebrity to position yourself. And you don’t have to earn ridiculous amounts of money, you just have to control the flow. Everyone should have a “screw you fund”. Men and women.
Comment below, let me know your thoughts and experiences. Then Get your Free Build a Buffer of Personal Money Checklist